Sleepless Morning (written at 3 a.m.)

As I sit here at nearly three o’clock in the morning I have been laying in bed for over and hour trying to get to sleep. Maybe it is the heat, maybe it is the fact that I slept in until one o’clock this afternoon, maybe it is because my brain just isn’t tired yet, or maybe it was God trying to get my attention. I sat here and many things have gone through my head in the past hour. I thought of the girls I coached in cheerleading at The Potter’s House Middle School last winter. I wondered what they were up to now; whether this summer they are making good decisions. Many of them just graduated from 8th grade and I won’t have another chance to impact their lives, so I wondered if I impacted them at all… especially the girls who quit. From those girls I moved on to the little girl I have been praying for from the orphanage my future roommate is working in, in Haiti. Then I began thinking of Maryann (future roommate) who is currently (at least as far as I know) in a hospital in Haiti. I wondered how her surgery went yesterday, hoping that she is recovering from it quickly and safely. I was thinking about when we will be roommates. The thought of it made me smile. Then randomly I moved on to where I am going to put the rest of my stuff in my apartment when I get it out of storage. That got me thinking about where I am going to get a new apartment when I graduate from Grace next May. Who will be my roommate? Just thinking about that made me realize that although I am unusually flexible with my plans, I still always want somewhere steady to call home. My move out of the dorms officially was actually a really tough decision for me. Room 102 has been my “home” for the last three years (minus summers) and the thought of leaving my “home” is scary for me. But I know that my move to the apartment was a good choice and will serve as a good transition for when I have to actually move away. Another random thing popped into my head though, changing topics in my head; I tried to figure out if the lamp I saw in my friend’s apartment last week had always been there or if it was new, but I know I have seen the lamp before, so I thought maybe it was gone for a while and was back… but why did it matter? Then I thought of my friends Anna and Shelby. I was thinking of memories I have with both of them and how great of friends they both are and how much I absolutely cherish their friendships. Thinking about them got me thinking about all of my friends in general. I thought of how I view my friends. The majority of them I see them as such amazing people and see their strength to get through certain situations. I thought of their ability to deal with the things going on in their life and from where I sit I could see their strength. I thought why would they want to hang out with me? I am so broken. I am so weak compared to them. I immediately looked to my weaknesses, but something about that seemed very wrong to me so I looked at it from a different angle. I had to turn it around and view the situation as if I were not the weak one, but the strong one. Because I am not weak; I am strong, I just can’t always see that. As much as I can sometimes only see my weakness, sometimes I can only see their strength. But we are all broken and we are all strong in our own unique ways. I think that is why we all get alone so well, because in the areas some of us are weak, the others are strong and can encourage and build us up. But I know that none of us could be strong in our own strength. It is the strength of Christ that we lean upon when someone else is weak to lift them back up. Again I thought of things that many of my friends have said to me that have impacted my pattern of thinking or my actions that they probably didn’t even know that what they were saying was being recorded in my mind. I thank God so much for all of my friends. I thank God that I don’t have to go through life alone. I love my community of friends who I can rely on for basically anything ever… I definitely recommend getting together with a group of people to go through life together.

Sorry this was super random. I think I am tired enough now to fall asleep. Just remember you are not alone. Not in your joy and happiness, and not in your struggles and pain.

Have a great night friends!
Amanda

p.s. Something else to think about... What kind of impact can you have on someone else when you tell them your appreciation for the little things they do? What kind of impact can you have on someone if you let them know what they really mean to you and how thankful you are for them? Let someone know today that you appreciate them.